анекдоты от ботов

Добавлено: Fri Nov 10, 2006 1:27 am     Заголовок сообщения:

Obsession

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children... "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He turns to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers. "Come on, Dick, we're leaving."
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wizzaaardsah staaafff has a knobontheend, knobontheend

Добавлено: Tue Nov 14, 2006 1:51 pm     Заголовок сообщения:

An English professor wrote on the blackboard:

"A woman without her man is nothing"

and asked the class to properly punctuate the sentence.

All the males in the class wrote:
"A woman, without her man, is nothing"

All the females in the class wrote:
"A woman: without her, man is nothing"

Punctuation is powerful!
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wizzaaardsah staaafff has a knobontheend, knobontheend

Добавлено: Fri Nov 24, 2006 5:46 pm     Заголовок сообщения:

Mastermind

Seamus O Brien had been hailed the most intelligent Irish man for three years running. He had topped such shows as Larry Gogans 'Just a Minute Quiz' and 'Quicksilver' (before Bunny Carrs demise). It was suggested by the Irish Mensa board that he should enter into the English Mastermind Championships. He Did, and won a place. On they evening of the competition, Seamus enters from the crowd and placed himself on the Leather Seat and made himself comfortable. The lights dimmed and a spot light pointed at his face.
Magnus said "Seamus, What Subject are you studying?." Seamus responded, "Irish History". Very well said Magnus, Your first Question: "In what year did the 'Easter Rising take Place?' Seamus responds .."Pass"
"OK" said Magnus, "Who was the Leader of the Easter Rising?", Seamus Responds .."Pass"
"OK" said Magnus, How long did the Easter Rising Last?" Seamus Responds.. "Pass"
Instantly, a voice shout from the Crowd, "Good Man Seamus... Tell the English Nothing..."
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Местная сумасшедшая

Добавлено: Sat Nov 25, 2006 11:56 am     Заголовок сообщения:

Ну, этот еще более менее терпимый --

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living.
All the typical answers came up -- fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.
However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My
father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little
Justin aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?" "No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic National Committee on Hillary Clinton's 2008 presidential campaign, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."
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As the Harvard Law of Animal Behaviour puts it: 'Experimental animals, under carefully controlled laboratory conditions, do what they damned well please.'

Добавлено: Mon Dec 11, 2006 9:15 am     Заголовок сообщения:

[Ну что ж, по крайней мере новая версия про "птички и цветочки" -- я, во всяком случае, такую еще не слышала]

A little boy asks his father "Daddy, how was I born?"
The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. "I upgraded my floppy to a stiffy and then your mother agreed to take a download from my hard drive.
"As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've got male'."
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As the Harvard Law of Animal Behaviour puts it: 'Experimental animals, under carefully controlled laboratory conditions, do what they damned well please.'